Ya

Quite a bit has happened since the last time that I wrote.  My student whose father was murdered never returned to school.  They had to flee town because the grudge turned into a family vendetta (Ol' West style), and several of their family members were murdered.  Things have finally calmed down, though, and the family was able to return to town a couple of weeks ago.  The kids will be back at the school in August.  My plans have changed, as well.  My principal told me just over a month ago that he had been talking with parents about the following school year, and there was very little interest in the Nursery class (the class size has been shrinking each year since it started).  He offered me the K4 position, but I really didn't want to start over with a new grade level and curriculum expectations again.  I had been hoping for two years of consistent experience here before moving back to the States to start over new, but I guess that's just not how things were supposed to happen.  I contacted the Synodical Placement Office as soon as I realized that I wouldn't be coming back, had several interviews with a few different schools, and was extended a call by one of those schools within a month of my realizing I even had to look for another job.

While it's wonderful to know what I'll be doing next year, I have really mixed emotions about leaving.  I'm thrilled to be close enough again to family and friends that I could hop in my car in the morning and see people by lunch time, and I'm grateful to be present for and more active in things like weddings, new babies, and just life in general.  I'm especially excited to start my new preschool teaching position and get settled into life in another new city.  All of this excitement, though, does not change the sadness of leaving this place.  Honduras has been my life for the past year and a half.  It has been really challenging and frustrating at times and hasn't always been pleasant, but I have appreciated every moment of it.  I've become very attached to the culture, the places I've lived, and the people I've gotten to know -- especially my students.  I've had a knot in my chest almost every day this past week as I stand and wave to my kids while their bus pulls away.  It's so hard to believe that I only have a few more chances to see them and that, next year, someone else will be tying their shoes, answering their questions, giving them hugs, and showing them that they're loved and cared for.

I'll be moving back the US a different person from the fresh college graduate that I was in December 2011.  I'm still me -- just as awkward, clumsy, and in love with midnight IHOP runs as ever -- but I understand and interpret life differently than before.  I view culture, politics, religion, and humanity through a different set of eyes: one that has taken in life outside of the cozy Chicago suburbs.  My faith has been challenged more than ever, and I have a new appreciation for the various lessons that I had been resistant to learning before.  When I go home I'll be leaving a piece of my heart here, but I'll do so with the confidence that it will scar over: healed but permanently changed.

My thoughts and prayers will always be with my kids.  To those of you who have been sending prayers and good vibes my way from the start, I ask that you continue doing so for my students.  Thank you for supporting me for the past year and a half, and I look forward to reconnecting with you back in the States.

Love,

Kim

No Witnesses In Honduras

After having lived in Honduras for over a year now, I am very much accustomed to most of the differences between life here and life back home.  There are some differences that I really like.  People are much more affectionate here.  They are also more blunt and honest about what they think.  Family is considered very important, and siblings aren't embarrassed by or mean to each other the way they tend to be in the states.  There are other differences that, while I am used to them, I don't like them.  A mild example of this is the music and fireworks that are so commonly blasting in the middle of the night, and a more serious example is the knot that develops in my chest when I am alone and have to walk past a leering man on a mostly-deserted street.  There is also one type of difference that I hate -- the tragic symptoms of a developing country.  The devastating poverty, corrupt police force, land disputes, and drug trafficking throw an endless spray of fuel onto a wildly burning firestorm of violence, turning Honduras into one of the most dangerous countries in the world -- so dangerous, in fact, that the US government discourages its citizens from even visiting here.

I am blessed this school year to be living in an area of Honduras that is considered to be very safe.  I can go out with my friends after 6 p.m.  I don't get the, "They'll rob you!" warning whenever I leave the house by myself.  I can't point out the drug lord's houses.  I have not been woken up by gunshots.  Despite these comforts, I still receive the occasional, stabbing reminder of where I am.  My student's father was murdered Monday.  He had apparently made a bad business deal, and the man he'd crossed walked into the father's pharmacy and shot him in the head while his 3-year-old daughter, my student, was watching.  A mother is now left to raise her children by herself, three kids are left without a father or sense of security, and one little girl has been left with a horrific image she will likely deal with for the rest of her life.  To make all of this worse, it is likely that nothing will ever be done about this.  Everybody knows who murdered him.  As my principal told me on the way to the funeral, though, "Crime scenes in Honduras have no witnesses."  The police cannot be trusted, and people with information cannot be protected.  No justice will be served.  The family will never feel the sliver of relief  in knowing that the man who murdered their husband and father is in prison.

This blaring injustice, this aspect which I hate the most, is the precise thing that tugs me the hardest toward this place.  Honduras is not a country without hope.  It's not a lost cause.  I believe that my students hold the potential to bring about change in Honduras.  My prayer is that the students' lives may be impacted by people -- family, friends, and teachers -- who encourage and empower them to live up to that potential so that they may begin rebuilding a better society than the one they were born into.

And I pray that God grants me the strength and wisdom to effectively be a part of that task.

First world problems?

For the past year, I have lived in a country that is plagued by poverty and infamous for having the world's highest murder rate.  I can anticipate a child's begging for my meal scraps when I go into town to eat, and I've been sharply awoken by the sound of gunshots on multiple occasions.  I have lived next door to the untouchable drug lord and heard about the murders of the lawyers and police officers who stood up against the wrongdoing.  Because I grew up in an idyllic, family-friendly Chicago suburb, it is easy to look around myself and polarize the United States with the developing world.  On a more cynical day, I may even criticize Americans for their blissful unawareness of those outside their world.  Social awareness has become chic, lately, and I have occasionally found myself falling in with the socially aware bandwagon who touts their privy to the world's condition through "first world problems" memes and tweets.

The past few days have rocked me, though.  I got home from school on Friday and heard about Sandy Hook.  My heart broke as I read all of the articles I could find, listened to the police statements to the press, and watched the President wipe away tears and pause to compose himself as he addressed the nation.  I then watched the barrage of facebook comments ensue, somehow turning this tragedy into a war.

Humanity is so far from perfection, regardless of the country in which you live or the worldview that you use to explain it all.  We are all hurting.  We are all broken.  We are all imperfect.  Yes, of course there are different levels and severities of suffering, but it is something that we all deal with.  Do not look at these things with the defeatest attitude that, "Well this is shit, so screw it."  We need to use tragedies like this as a reminder to love people in whatever way we can.  Help who we can.  Make change where we can.  No, we're not going to stop all the bad things from happening, but for God's sake, don't just resign yourself to its inevitibility, and please don't aggrevate the tragedy with pointless, ill-thought facebook tirades that accomplish nothing.  DO something.  Even if it is just in your immediate circle of influence, it matters.

But, what do I know?  I'm just a 20 something with a laptop.